Journey to Orthodoxy, part 5

My second visit to an Orthodox Church was very different than my first. For one thing, I wasn't 90 minutes early for Liturgy. Also, the entire Liturgy was in English, not Greek. For these and several other reasons, not the least of which was the friendly and inviting congregation, the first visit to Christ the Savior/Holy Spirit was very comfortable.

Don't get me wrong, visiting an Orthodox Church for the first time can be a very overwhelming experience. The Divine Liturgy of St. John Chrysostom and the entire mindset of Eastern worship are so different from what the vast majority of Americans are used to that it can take some time just to process what has been experienced.

I, on the other hand, had an advantage. Having been Byzantine Catholic for 15 years, and a cantor for about 13 of the 15 years, I knew the Liturgy. Other than a few differences in the choice of words, which was just a different translation from the original rather than actually being different, the Divine Liturgy at Christ the Savior/Holy Spirit was the same as it was at St. John Chrysostom, so blending in was easy. I knew about reverencing the icons, standing for the entire two hours, making the sign of the cross at every mention of the Trinity, etc. To the casual observer, it would have been easy to mistake me for Orthodox. From the standpoint of the Liturgy, I was very comfortable from the beginning.

Of course, I was not able to receive the Eucharist at Christ the Savior. While from the Catholic standpoint it is perfectly acceptable for a Catholic to receive Communion at an Orthodox church, from the Orthodox standpoint it is not allowed. The basic gist of it is that when it comes to the sacraments, the Catholic Church pays attention to "validity", meaning that as long as certain almost legalistic conditions are met, then the sacraments are valid. Based on that, the Catholic Church recognizes Orthodox sacraments as being valid. That doesn't mean that the Catholic Church looks kindly on receiving the sacraments at another church. The lack of a nearby Catholic church is usually one of the requirements for receiving "approval" to receive the sacraments at an Orthodox church...but it's at least possible. However, for the Orthodox, the sacraments demonstrate a common faith, a completely common set of beliefs. As such, to receive the sacraments at an Orthodox church, you need to be Orthodox.

I stayed for the entire Liturgy, and then quietly slipped out while the rest of the congregation went downstairs for coffee hour. On the ride home, I had about 20-25 minutes to think, to reflect, and to plan what I was going to tell Terrie. I knew that I needed to go back to Christ the Savior again, to continue experiencing Orthodoxy "from the inside" (or at least as inside as a non-Orthodox can get), and most importantly I needed to contact the priest. Fortunately, the priest at Christ the Savior was (and is) very e-mail friendly, so making contact was completely non-threatening.

Terrie was very reserved, and to be honest it was tough to get a read on what she was feeling. While I wasn't ready to "jump ship" yet, I was at least ready to take a closer look at the new ship. On the other hand, Terrie was very adamant on one specific point: she wanted to remain Catholic. So, over the next couple months, I went back to Christ the Savior, alone, and never staying for coffee hour because in the back of my mind I knew I was "just visiting", with no intention of becoming Orthodox, at least not until I could get Terrie to consider it. I was now on the priest’s e-mail list, so I was receiving his weekly meditations (usually expanded versions of his Sunday homilies), which helped me gain a deeper insight into Orthodoxy, especially with the stuff that is left out of or briefly mentioned in the books I had read. And with each new insight, I would try to bring up the subject to Terrie of going to church with me. After several more months, she finally agreed, I think more to appease me than anything else, but I wasn't about to be picky at this point.

By now, I was now used to standing for the entire two hour Liturgy. Terrie was not, and the kids were not used to doing anything for two hours straight, let alone standing in church. And while the Liturgy was familiar enough, during the discussions that followed our visit Terrie was focused on the differences and all of the reasons why we should never go back. It wasn't easy to listen to it, but it was important. For all of my building enthusiasm, Terrie was a good, important "reality check". She kept me from jumping to Orthodoxy too quickly, forcing me to completely understand what it was I was thinking of doing (and asking her to do). On the other hand, I was forcing her to consider the impossible: leave Catholicism.

Over the next few months, I went alone several times and we went together (with the kids) several times, both to Liturgy on Sunday morning and to Vespers on Saturday evening (including one disastrous Saturday when Vespers had been cancelled, but we didn't know it, so we arrived at a locked church). One of the deals I had made with Terrie was that we would leave just as communion began to be distributed, which would take about 20 minutes off of the service and make it a bit more palatable for the kids. The people in the congregation were gently doing their best to get us to "take the next step" by inviting us to stay for coffee hour, inviting us to have the kids stay for church school, etc. But at this point, neither of us wanted to make any further commitment, not wanting to "tease" anyone into thinking we were going to convert.

By 2004, we were going to Christ the Savior every week. Together, Terrie and I were learning more and more, and little by little were becoming convinced that Orthodoxy was, for lack of a better term, "right". Not just right for us, not just right for our kids, but right. Theologically, those three major points I mentioned in an earlier post had come into full view. The pope not being infallible was easy enough to agree with, but knowing how this developed historically provided a basis for stating it definitively. The "filioque" clause of the creed and the procession of the Holy Spirit, and the subsequent distortions it causes to our understanding of the Trinity were more subtle, but still important. The important difference to me, however, was the concept of original sin.

The concept of original sin in Western Christianity was and still is strongly influenced by St. Augustine. Despite the fact that he is an Orthodox saint, his ideas on original sin are, for the most part, rejected by Orthodoxy. What it comes down to is the answer to one simple question (simple to ask, anyway): What were the repercussions of the sin of Adam and Eve? In Western Christianity, the sin of Adam and Eve caused a fundamentally change in our human nature, to the point that we are born sinful. In Catholic thought, we are guilty of the sin of Adam and Eve, and the sacramental part of baptism is the washing away of this sin. This lead to the Catholic belief that babies who died before they were baptized could not go to heaven, which lead to the belief in limbo. It also lead to the belief in the Immaculate Conception of Mary (which is the belief that Mary was born without original sin): since Jesus was without sin, and since original sin was passed on through reproduction, then Mary must have been without original sin.

In Orthodox thought, original sin did not change our nature in this way. Original sin caused our physical mortality, and that mortality is what is passed along through reproduction. However, we are not born sinful, and we certainly are not guilty of the sin of anyone else, including Adam and Eve. Yes, we are born with a strong inclination to sin, but it’s still our choice whether or not we actually sin. As such, Orthodoxy does not have any theology regarding the Immaculate Conception or limbo.

By early 2005, we had pretty much made up our minds that it was time to make a commitment one way or the other. “Just visiting” wasn’t fair to the kids. They needed a spiritual home (and so did we), and having them only partially experience the Faith wasn’t providing that for them. To begin preparations, Terrie and I had several sessions with the priest, delving into some of the details of the Faith, making sure we understood what it was we were saying we believed. We began staying for the entire Liturgy and for coffee hour, the kids began attending church school classes, and everything else just seemed to fall into place. There was, however, one major sticking point to completely committing to Orthodoxy: our parents. From the time I was a teenager, my parents had always said that they would support any decision I made with regard to religion, as long as I remained a Christian. But, saying you'll be supportive is a lot easier when you're not actually faced with the reality, and I honestly wasn't sure how they'd react. However, both Terrie and I were absolutely convinced how her mom would react (her dad had died somewhat suddenly in December 2001). As such neither of us wanted to mention the fact that we were now regularly attending a non-Catholic church, certainly didn't mention the fact that we were in the process of converting to a different faith, and we carefully side-stepped any questions about church when they came up.

On the positive side, my parents were true to their word and were supportive of our decision. Although I’m sure there was and is some pain on their part, they saw the same need for a spiritual home as we did, especially for the kids, and understood that given the choice between Latin-Rite Catholic and Orthodoxy, there really wasn’t a choice for us. On the neutral to negative side, we have never really had a discussion about our conversion with Terrie’s mom. As important to our lives as the Faith has become, it’s just not an available topic. Truth be told, we’ve only had limited discussions with my parents about the details of the Faith, but at least the topic isn’t quite as “taboo”.

So, finally, on 18 December 2005, more than 20 years after I began learning about Orthodoxy, the six of us were received into the Orthodox Church. I can honestly say that it is a decision we have never regretted. It has not been easy, but it is the right decision. To be honest, I don’t see it so much as a decision to convert as a revelation. God had been calling to me for years. I finally started listening, really listening, and really responding. It is a response that continues daily, and will, Lord have mercy, continue forever.